True Freedom.

Obsessions comes in multiple forms

The person who won't let themselves get above X calories a day.

The person who has to get rid of food immediately after they eat it.

The person who needs food to feel satisified.

I've been all of these girls. I've "needed" food, hated food, defined myself by food. Food, food, food. What my Creator designed to be a gift from heaven, to be enjoyed as a blessing from Him has been skewed and allowed to have reign over my life.

Recently, I've been contemplating a new kind of obsession.

I have no doubt in my mind that writing down what one eats and planning ahead for the next day allows many to walk in freedom. But I have heard many say, "It allows me to feel a sense of control." And we seem to take that at face value and view it as a good thing. But when a girl has a defined eating disorder and she says it "Allows her to feel control", well then she's sick...?

Anyone else seeing the problem?

Because at the end of the day, obsessively planning and denying can have just as negative of an impact, can hold just as much control over your life and consume you just as much as indulging in everything you want or not allowing yourself to eat at all.

True freedom is found in Jesus Christ. I believe that with all of my heart. And HE is in control. I never am, even if I'd like to fool myself into thinking that I am. So maybe we overthink and overwork it? Maybe, like everything else in this life, it's about making the best choices for ourselves in any given situation and allowing ourselves to screw up from time to time. Being okay with screwing up... and accepting grace.

Because at the end of the day, I will never find satisfaction in any "diet" or "eating plan" or whatever you want to call it. I will never be satisfied by spending two hours or five hours or an entire day in the gym. Satisfaction and "okay-ness" with myself doesn't come from those things.

It comes from God. And God alone.